When I was a freshman in college I read a quote somewhere that said, “life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.” Sure it was written in an overly flashy bold black and white font, but it stuck with me for more reasons than that. It stuck with me because with all the talk of finding yourself in college… I was feeling hopeless. Looking and looking for myself. Like some class was going to put a lightbulb over my head and all of a sudden Life would make sense. I would know Why We Are Here, but mostly Why I Am Here.
Yeah. That’s a losing battle. Will anything ever make that much sense? Probably not. The world and our brains are too vast. But you can waste a lot of time looking. So back to the quote. It stuck with me because, well I’ll admit it… It put me in control. And I like that. I don’t have to find myself like it’s lost somewhere and I’m not sure if I’ll ever find it. Nope. I get to MAKE myself. And that is incredibly empowering.
And isn’t who you are kinda what you do?
So it’s been eight years since I’ve read that quote and I’ve done little about it other than think about it. A lot. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon a blogosphere trend of the so-called Life List. So many women are making these lists of 100 things they want to do before they die. Things that are small (wear red lipstick) and things that are big and scary that you don’t even want to put on paper (write a novel, live abroad, donate a gajillion dollars to charity). Initially, I scoffed. I thought, WOW. Way to set yourself up for disappointment ladies. But then, slowly, it started to seep in. I’d be walking down valencia and see a girl with red pumps on and think “that would be on my life list if I had one.” So after about fifteen of those the-cosmos-is-infiltrating-my-brain incidents, I took the hint.
Life is full. I’ll rephrase that. Life can be full. I want to make mine full. Sometimes we get into a routine, a rut, a life full of habits, and we need reminding of what we’re capable of. I need this. I am a creature of habit and yet I crave more. And finally I realized, all of the things on my list don’t need to be crossed off in order for me to feel accomplished. I won’t feel disappointed in myself when I’m on my death bed because I only got to 94. No way. I’ll be all like, “I did 94 awesome badass things! I’m out!”
So here, I will keep track of my journey through my life list. I’ve only got fourty-something now, and the list might fluctuate throughout my life, but I’ll always be working on it. If you can help me with anything on my list please leave a comment so we can get in touch. I can help you with the following or something like it if it is on your life list~
1. Have a rediculously awesome weekend in SF; 2. Go out in the Castro District; 3. Hike Mt. Tam; 3. See the Pacific Ocean; 4. Make a killer Latte; 5. Eat weird chocolate; 6. Cutely furnish your apartment; 7. Learn how to make really good food of some kind; 8. learn how to use microsoft Publisher (I know….); 9. I always have new music for you!…etc….
So thanks for coming with me on my journey. Looks like I officially get to cross of #21!!
(Note: The List is in the menu above the first post.)